CollegeHumor Channel: Homepage http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759167 Rick the Stick: Amateur Porn Star/Driving Instructor Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759167/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Rick's First Prom
Rick The Stick:  What's your name pretty girl?
Lisa:  Lisa.
Rick The Stick:  Alright Lisa.  Well, we will be driving that white Yukon over there.
Lisa:  Wow, that's big...
Rick The Stick:  Tell me something I don't know...
*The two enter the car*
Rick The Stick:  I forgot how tight this feels.
Lisa:  Umm, maybe you can adjust your seat?
Rick The Stick: It's super warm, too.
Lisa: Should I put on the a/c?
Rick The Stick:  Don't be silly angel.  It feels good.
Lisa:  ...Oh, Ok.
*Lisa turns on car*
Lisa:  Alright, well I checked all my mirrors, my seat belt is fastened, I'm ready to go.
Rick The Stick:  Ready to go?  Already?  Amateur.  I could go all day... And I do.
Lisa:  Huh?  Ok, well I'm going to pull out of the parking lot then.
*The car pulls out onto an empty street*

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873/ts:33"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/b/collegehumor.7615ed743478e8da9313516bfc881e67.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873/ts:33">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 242 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759487 Lamest College Mascot Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759487/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
We pit George Mason's freakish green Gunston against the devilish St. Louis Billiken. Who comes out on top when U-Tulsa's deformed mutant Captain Cane goes head to head against whatever the hell Brutus the Buckeye is? And that's just the beginning folks. It's up to you to decide in the greatest battle of our generation and you can do it here, now, so go and experience the true pandemonium of trying to figure out what drug the people at Arkansas were on when they came up with BollWeevil.

Click to vote for the Lamest College Mascot
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326/ts:33"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/9/collegehumor.45397a4c6c8241522ef776b95348cf0f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326/ts:33">Jeff Rosenberg</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759478 CH Sports Weekly: Now With 0% More Tour-de-France Action! Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759478/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Ethan: How about that British Open? Man, pretty golfy, right?

Congratulations to 2008 British Open champion, Some Dude Who Is Not Tiger Woods.
Amir: There's a British Open now, too? Man, the PGA is going to be screwed when Tiger finally retires in 2035.

Ethan: Probably a bad sign for golf that the most compelling non-Tiger figure out there was what was left of Greg Norman. Still, give Harrington credit for winning his second straight Claret Jug.

Amir: I have no idea what any of that means.

Ethan I think it means that people would rather see Tiger Woods play Golden Tee then watch anybody else play real golf. What do you think would get better ratings?

Amir: I'd rather watch Tiger play one of those bar games where you try to shoot the deer with the plastic gun. He would stalk that buck with such quiet intensity.

Ethan: Does Jason Taylor put the Redskins on top of the NFC East?

Amir: No. It doesn't even put their defense on the top of the NFC East. Cowboys secondary is great, Eagles added Asante Samuel and the Redskins trade some picks to get Jason Taylor who publicly stated that this is his last year in the NFL. This is what they get for having one of Clinton Portis' characters in charge of player personnel.

Ethan: Are you kidding me? Kid Bro Sweets is like Drew Rosenhaus himself, except he likes Reese's Pieces more. The Redskins' D wasn't all that bad last year, but their offense was pretty stagnant. Maybe Jim Zorn can fix it, but I'm also sure he's already in last place on my list of NFL coaches. (I go alphabetically, not based on ability.)

Amir: Is it that time of year for us to rank every offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator in the NFL?!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:233/ts:33"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/9/collegehumor.ac134640378042adbde8bdf9d7dd8da3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:233/ts:33">Amir and Ethan</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 6 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> <![CDATA[Man, that Elliot kid can't take a joke]]> http://www.collegehumor.com/hotlink:193796 Wed, 23 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759186 My Only Visit To University Health Services Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759186/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Nurse: Okay... your name?

Me: Josh.

Nurse: And you pregnant?

Me: Huh.

Nurse: I know this is sensitive. Take your time.

Me: I'm not pregnant. In fact, I'm sure I'm not pregnant.

Nurse: Be honest.!slice

Me: I'm a man! I physically cannot give birth.

Nurse: Look hon, you don't have to tell me you're pregnant. I can tell. You have that attitude.

Me: The what? The pregnant attitude? Is that an attitude?

The doctor comes in.

Doc: Excuse me. Nurse? You're in the wrong room.

Me: ...

Nurse: I know you're pregnant.

The nurse leaves.

Doc: Sorry about that. We needed your nurse in the room over, where your friend Dave is giving birth.

Me: He's just fat! Dave! DAVE!!


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1621124/ts:33"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/b/collegehumor.28fbece327eac2f3eca4b69b55f5322f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1621124/ts:33">Josh Rosenthal</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:186/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 81 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759150 The Dark Knight IMDb Trivia Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759150/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923/ts:33"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/c/collegehumor.8523d7af68a78ed24892016c2ee20658.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923/ts:33">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 304 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759199 Your RA's Summer Vacation Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759199/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>  

RA: Hey Tom, how's it going!?!  If you're hungry I think me and some other people are heading downstairs to the caf to grab some dinner.

Dad: Jason, for the last time, don't call me "Tom," just stick to "Dad." And another thing, why are you always asking me if I want to go to dinner with you and these "other people" you talk about?  You know we always eat together as a family.

RA: Sounds great Tom! Well maybe after dinner we can all get together and paint some bricks and use them as door stops.

Dad: That's another thing Jason, why are you always asking your mother and me to partake in these activities?  I'm not interested in attending a tie-dying party; stop asking. 

Mom: Boys, dinner's ready!

RA: Oh hey Karen, how's it going!?! How'd that history final go?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:93700/ts:33"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.3086e790ff5c235cb82033b3c27faf0c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:93700/ts:33">Shawn Dobbins</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:169/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 120 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759380 Cyanide and Happiness Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759380/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
More Cyanide and Happiness at Explosm.net
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:126127/ts:33"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/6/collegehumor.2d5c083e695e15f04b9d8636aa19bc3d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:126127/ts:33">Cyanide & Happiness</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 93 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759153 Mythical Creature Convention Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759153/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Here, here!
Abominable Snowman: Most illustrious and distinguished creatures, my greatest thanks for your presence. After centuries apart, we are finally reunited with the estimable goal of wreaking havoc on the Earth!

(Polite applause.)

Bigfoot: I hereby volunteer myself to remain behind the scenes, monitoring our efforts, as the two of you begin a timed attack across the globe.

Loch Ness Monster: You are too kind, my sizably-footed comrade. In truth, though, I must share my chief concern: that leaving the icy bosom of my watery domicile may prove unwise...in this changing climate. Let me remain behind.

Abominable Snowman: I cherish your generosity, but this fear is unfounded. Surely you realize that global warming is but a spurious myth! My perch in the majestic Himalayas offers me the best vantage point from which to supervise our attack. I insist.

Bigfoot: No, no, I will not hear of it! You will be too far away in the mountains. I shall be the one to stay back, and you two shall enjoy the glory of battle.

Abominable Snowman: I beg of you, be not so selfless!

Loch Ness Monster: Friends, it seems we are at an impasse. Very well; I will admit to the fear that smolders within each of our breasts. I am but a simple creature and as such I do not wish to venture out and subject myself to the dangerous gaze of Man. To do so would be to betray the holiest value in our credo: to remain shrouded in mystery, veritably doused in mystique, cast for all eternity in the ranks of a questioned existence, forever doubted and denied!

(Polite applause.)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1633334/ts:33"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/7/collegehumor.fca5cba75b3b09bff3171fd7421df598.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1633334/ts:33">Hallie Cantor</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:211/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 20 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759032 Slacking off at Work: Worst Case Scenario Guide Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759032/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Friday

10am
There was a 9am meeting. You are an hour late, and forgot your tie.

Sock tie
Remove one sock. Hope that it is black or some other dark color, and not white. Using a paperclip, make incisions along the legnth of the sock, and cut it into appropriate sections. Break the paper clip by working it back and forth, and use the sections to attach the pieces of the sock-tie.

Once inside your office building, find a fire alarm. Make sure the guard isn't looking, and pull it. Barrel roll out of the way of the sprinklers into a stairwell. Hide in the basement until your co-workers begin to re-enter the building.

12pm
Your boss is approaching your desk. He has already spotted you with your headphones in, and you're listening to Cream. Only Firefox is open on your desktop, and all of your 5 tabs are internet games.

Bola
With two stress balls and your headphone cord, fashion a bola. Behind the wall of your cubicle, take aim and throw the bola towards your colleague in the cubicle across the way, with serious, but not deadly, force. Once your co-worker begins making strangulation sounds, stand up and yell, "Michael, are you ok?!" As your boss reaches the intersection, free your coworker. Receive accolades, and then recommend that the three of you go to lunch.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1170747/ts:33"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/e/collegehumor.3f5f428266eeaee8c7624adef788bd80.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1170747/ts:33">Casey Johnston</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 93 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759159 9 (Very) Short-Lived Celebrity Talk Shows Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759159/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> .talk_shows_show { margin-bottom: 15px; }.talk_shows_show .talk_show_brdr { margin: 10px 50px; height: 1px; background: #CCC; }.talk_shows_show h4 { font: bold 23px arial; }.talk_shows_show h5 { font: bold 12px arial; }.talk_shows_show .talkshow_vid { margin: 5px 0; }.talk_shows_show p { margin-bottom: 10px; }

The Magic Hour with Magic Johnson

How long did it last?: Eight weeks.

Just because someone is good at something, doesn't mean they are good at everything. You wouldn't ask David Letterman to play point guard. Yet someone at Fox decided Magic Johnson would be a good host for a talk show. The man played in nine NBA final series, but America never saw him visibly nervous until he was delivering a nightly monologue and interviewing stars of the era like Dan Cortese. "The Magic Hour" was a favorite target for Howard Stern and his still-over-the-airwaves talk show. Magic the basketball great would have blocked it out and stunned the crowd, but Magic the talk show host -- with desperately low ratings -- had no choice but to invite Stern on his show for a calamity of a publicity stunt.

Late World With Zach

How long did it last? 9 weeks

For a brief period in the summer of 2002, comedian Zach Galifianakis's late-night program combined the traditional talk-show format with the absurdity of his stand-up to create a unique kind of variety program that at times managed to subvert the entire talk-show genre itself. Needless to say, it didn't last long on VH1, who would soon see the untapped potential in filming Hulk Hogan purchase tampons for his daughter. "Late World," which incorporated many of Galifianakis's performance trademarks (non-sequiturs, deadpan deliveries, piano playing, the elderly), predicted the comedian's more-recent work, including the warped Adult Swim program "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!," and a beloved Kanye West video set on a farm.

Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982/ts:33"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/5/collegehumor.a38249fddab8bb4c357d45a5e57a11dc.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982/ts:33">Jeff & Patrick</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 29 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758776 The Hole in This Capri Sun Is Exasperatingly Complex to Penetrate Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758776/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
by Morgan Freeman
Oh. Hello there, sonny. Would you mind quickly assisting me with a glaring issue of mine? Much obliged. You would never believe how eager I currently am to have run into an individual such as yourself: an individual who may just happen to be able to be of some assistance to this particular dilemma of mine. It seems, my boy, that the hole in this Capri Sun is exasperatingly complex to penetrate.

You see... I have dealt more than several hours with attempts to release this refreshing liquid into my body. But as you can so clearly observe, this fruit drink has infuriatingly halted itself to no end.

In fact, the roof of my mouth, in its extreme state of desiccation, is dreadfully crying out for just the slimmest drop of quenching tropical fruit juice. Due to the faulty perforated hole that is normally to be pierced by the individually wrapped straw, all 6.75 fluid ounces of my liquid replenishment will remain in its default container.

Just ever so slightly out of reach.

Does every great quenching snack have its obstacles? Surely. If this here beverage weren't so delightful, it would not be worth the trouble that it is. All wise men know these 70 calories of strawberry kiwi flavor do not come without a little work, a bit of exertion.

Could I cheat and thrust the straw through the bottom of the container? I suppose that technically I could. That would mean two things: I took the ways of a weak man to solve my problem. Also, I wouldn't be able to set the drink down until I have completely finished it.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:311/ts:33"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/a/collegehumor.c22413e6c90c5da07e0e4c0a4de9acf9.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:311/ts:33">Jake Klocksien</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:265/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 103 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759310 CollegeHumor Movie Review: The Dark Knight Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759310/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
This symbol was derived from an old Roman diety, the God of 'Epic Win'
I'm going to start off this weeks article with a moment of disturbing realism that many of us may be afraid to admit to.  On January 22nd 2008 when Heath Ledger died due to an accidental overdose, about 95% of people reacted to the news in this manner: "Oh my God...did they finish The Dark Knight?"  The level of anticipation for this movie has been just as high as, or higher than any other film in recent memory.  Batman Begins was a movie that not only redeemed the entire Batman franchise from such horrific failures as Batman and Robin, and Batman Forever, but also redefined the comic book movie genre by adding levels of intense realism, dark protagonist character conflict, and situations concerning the morality of man. 

Everyone has been sitting on pins and needles over this movie for the past 3 years, and why not? There's a lot that has been hanging in the balance.  Is it possible that this movie will be able to stand up to the greatness of Batman Begins? Or will it be a gross disappointment that tarnishes the series we fell in love with, like Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3, and Spider-Man 3?  Will Heath Ledgers acting stand out since the last great portrayal of the Joker; Jack Nicholson in the 1989 Batman?  

Gather 'round, children, and lets find out.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.5265cbed7be39708f3297ab377c1806a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 107 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759201 Roommate Confessions: ATTACK OF THE GIRLS Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759201/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

This issue is devoted entirely to GIRLS confessing what they've done to their roommates. It just goes to show you that they're just as mean and vile as us guys!

I was roommates with a beer hoarding, party crashing, cigarette stealing whore my sophmore year. Near the end of the year I got sick of her ass showing up uninvited to parties I had told her about getting drunk and making a fool of herself so I decided to put a stop to it. When she walked away from her drink to go beg for cigarettes I poured 3/4 of it on the lawn and filled it back up with water from the toilet. The next morning she threw up for a few hours and swore off drinking with my friends. Ha ha ha.
Claire Y, School Not Given

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326/ts:33"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/9/collegehumor.45397a4c6c8241522ef776b95348cf0f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:326/ts:33">Jeff Rosenberg</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 96 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759171 Drunk-O-Vision V Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759171/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Sober :: Drunk


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239/ts:33"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239/ts:33">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1121 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759273 Batman: The Dark Hype Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759273/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
The anticipation around the new Batman movie has reached unprecedented levels. It's crazy to think that in two weeks you can walk around and ask anybody in America what they thought of the new Batman movie and 98% will be able to respond.

- In New York and Los Angeles, there were not only midnight showings, but 3AM and 6AM showings -- all were sold out before July 4th.

- Certain theatres in Kansas City and Miami are allowing patrons to sit and wait in the theatre next to the one showing The Dark Knight and listen to that theatre rumble and vibrate for $40.

- A theatre in Bucks County, PA will let you lick the film chemicals off the projectionist's fingers for $52.

- AMCs across Ohio are allowing people, for $55, to have some of the leftover popcorn that's left in the theater, hoping some information from the movie leaked into the butter.

- At certain theatres in Florida and Maine, you can hold the film reel for $99.50 and bite into one frame.

- In Nebraska, certain Loews theatres are allowing people to pay $160 to stare at the poster outside the theater, and another $20 to sketch it with charcoal.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/0/collegehumor.b31abee129cee64657d853e0c1b7a219.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:229/ts:33">Amir Blumenfeld</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 161 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759274 Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 18th Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759274/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Knox and Vivienne. Yeah, Knox. Let's all start placing our bets on what they'll call baby #7. Rex? Jax? Snorlax? You can really tell that Brad and Angie expect their kids to be cool, beautiful people. What if Knox Jolie-Pitt were the name of a fat loser? With this many kids, they're bound to produce at least one dud.[IDLYITW]

Speaking of babies, here's one that's gotten kind of overshadowed by old Foxy Knoxy: Jessica Alba's kid, Honor. She exists. And, yes, Jessica Alba is skinny again. [DListed, PopSugar]

If, however, you were wondering which hotties were looking particularly unskinny this week, take a peek at Uma Thurman's totally f*cked up bikini gut. Either she's pregnant too...or she ate a baby. [Egotastic]

Now that you're totally sick of hearing about pregnant chicks and their offspring, it's time to bask in the beauty of the post-menopausal set. Yeah, I'm talking about sexy old Helen Mirren. I'm serious. [IDLYITW]
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989/ts:33"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/4/collegehumor.9857604873bb034e2e83e984a251c17e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989/ts:33">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 18 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759048 Less Common Baseball Sex Terms Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759048/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Sunday Baseball: An Afternoon Delight
We all know of the standard second base, third base, etc. when describing different kinds of sexual endeavors, but there are many other baseball terms that are used more rarely to describe these kinds of acts. For instance:

Sacrifice Fly: A term describing the act of "taking one for the team". You sacrifice your dignity and get with a below average friend of a girl so that he can score.

First Base Coach: This represents your wingman. Once you get to first, he advises you to either make your way to second or stop at first if he knows you won't make it.

Check Your Swing: This symbolizes being about to get with a girl, but then at the last moment decide that it's not a good idea, and that you'll try your chances when a better girl/pitch comes along.

Fielder's Choice: This term comes into play when 2 guys are both trying to get with the same girl, and you know that she is going to throw one of them out and one is going to reach base.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1328040/ts:33"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/c/collegehumor.a6da09cf3ea7c5177f9deecc45ecd78c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1328040/ts:33">Tommy</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:205/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 272 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759264 Ch-Ch-Ch-Go to my blog Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759264/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The summer's been going good so far, the only problem is that I've been writing so much I don't know what to do with all my jokes! If only I had a place where I could show them off to the internet community...wait, what is that, brain? I do? Oh yes, my blog! Now I can show off never before seen material, the answers to all of your CollegeHumor internship questions, and my ex's naked pics. Just kidding about the last one...No I'm not. Stop it brain, you know she told me to delete those! No, you're the nerd!

Sorry about that...Seriously though, check it out here!


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873/ts:33"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/b/collegehumor.7615ed743478e8da9313516bfc881e67.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873/ts:33">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 6 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759160 Caption Contest: 7/18 Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759160/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
RULES: Submit your one best caption as a comment. A COMMENT. No replies. No retries. Keep reading to vote on last week's best entries...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989/ts:33"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/4/collegehumor.9857604873bb034e2e83e984a251c17e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989/ts:33">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 19 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759092 Chat Room Bully Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759092/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293/ts:33"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/9/collegehumor.8da5072a466c292fa0bdd4f9873db4b5.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293/ts:33">Sarah Schneider</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1120/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 156 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759216 The Weekly WYR: July 17th Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759216/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, submit it at the bottom of this or any WYR article.

Would You Rather...

  • Have your town over run by zombies, or fat girls with high self esteem? From KY
  • Have popcorn kernels stuck in the back of your mouth, or have a fly keep landing on your when youre trying to fall asleep? From Kyle
  • Burn the roof of your mouth eating hot food, or have all your fingernails clipped too short? From Kyle
  • Go back in time and chang something in your past, or Go to the future and see what your life is like? From Jared
  • Have the monster from Cloverfield trying to kill you, or Javier Bardem from No Country for Old Men? From Matt
  • Be best in the world at one thing, or 10th best in the world at 10 things? From Brian
  • Have infinate amounts of okay pizza, or have a set amount of the best pizza in the world? From Mike
  • Have your life depend on getting a swirled random password in one try, or figure out a magic eye in one try? From Neil
  • Be a cute polar bear with an amputated leg, or a cute kitten that is bald due to a deathly illness? From vic
  • Personally end strife in Darfur, or see The Dark Knight? From Andrew

Finally, this week's winner of the I Don't Think You're Getting Enough Sleep Award is Julia, who sent in this.

  • Not be able to understand the concept of "more" or only be able to speak in iambic pentameter? From Julia

Congrats Julia, now please get some rest.

If you have a good WYR, submit it here.
Check back every Friday to see if yours made the cut.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298/ts:33"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/1/collegehumor.2618616bb5cffc06c7d7b8216893ee97.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:298/ts:33">Jake Hurwitz</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:55/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 33 likes</p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />