Kindergarten Application Essay

Every year, thousands of young children are considered for the country's top kindergartens. And just like most elite schools, an impressive application essay is required for admission.

How to Win at Icebreakers

Step 1: Change your name to something awesome. My name used to be Vincent Merkin-Jachowicz but that was a disaster on four counts because it was nerdy, unpronounceable, pubic, and Jewish. That’s no way to win. So I changed it to Vinny...

Pick-up Lines For The Blind

"Wanna go see a movie? Yeah, me neither." "Help, some hooligans spun me in circles and I need a sexy young thing to help me regain my orientation!" "That's odd. Your acne spells "let's knock boots" in...

Wendell Blatt Signs His Own Cast After Breaking His Arm

Questions We Wish We Could Ask An Astronaut

Can I be an astronaut, but without all that training and crap? Even though I already know the answer, just to be 100% sure, I mean I'm really just asking this for my stupid little brother, the moon is not made out of cheese, right? When...

Pick-up Lines For The Blind

"Wanna go see a movie? Yeah, me neither." "Help, some hooligans spun me in circles and I need a sexy young thing to help me regain my orientation!" "That's odd. Your acne spells "let's knock boots" in...

Founding Fathers

THOMAS JEFFERSON: Fellow congressmen, I have at last completed our Declaration of Independence. Who among you will be the first to sign this document?JOHN ADAMS: I shall give my signature--JOHN HANCOCK: No, that's cool, Adams. Step aside, I got...

My Grandma's Desktop

So last week my mom made me go with her to visit my stupid grandma in stupid Cape Cod. We go visit her every summer for like a couple days to make sure she's still alive or something stupid like that. I don't really know. Anyway, my mom helped her...

The World's Worst Father Informs His Children He and Their Mother are Splitting Up

Hey kids, wake up. We need to have a talk. Huh? I don’t know, about 2 AM, I think. Listen, I have to tell you all something. It's about your mother and I. But before I do, I want you to know that no matter what happens, we’re going to...

Media Mergers We'd Like To See