I was in a gas station because I needed a pack of Kool Kings.  In line in front of me was a retarded midget.  And I mean really retarded, as in mentally disabled.  Now, I am lacking in every midget-appropriate social grace known to man.  I have no idea how to behave when a midget, or otherwise tiny person, is nearby.  I often confuse them with children and speak to them as such.   Add retarded to the mix, and I'm outright socially crippled.  Additionally, after all this time, I'm still not sure if this retarded midget was a girl or a boy, or a man or a woman.  I am just going to refer to her as "her" because it's easier that way.  Just keep in mind that she might have been a he.  

She had no hair.  Just peach fuzz on top of her head.  She appeared to have a cold, which was creating a mess of mucus on her face.  She was attempting to purchase a Pepsi, but she was 48 cents short.  I happened to be holding, in my hand, two quarters.  She was fumbling around for a few minutes, trying to locate 48 cents, and I was standing behind her holding the two quarters. 

In light of the election results, I decided I would help my conservative friends who are planning to move to Canada to get away from the socialist agenda that Barack Obama is going to push on our once-great country. I compiled a small checklist of the essential items:

-Fishing gear

-Rifle for hunting moose

-Denim shirt

-Denim Jacket

-6-pack of Molson

-English-French dictionary

-Universal healthcare forms

-Bag of decriminalized marijuana

-Same-sex marriage partner

-One of those hats that have the flaps that go down over your ears

I'm going to start off this weeks article with a moment of disturbing realism that many of us may be afraid to admit to.  On January 22nd 2008 when Heath Ledger died due to an accidental overdose, about 95% of people reacted to the news in this manner: "Oh my God...did they finish The Dark Knight?"  The level of anticipation for this movie has been just as high as, or higher than any other film in recent memory.  Batman Begins was a movie that not only redeemed the entire Batman franchise from such horrific failures as Batman and Robin, and Batman Forever, but also redefined the comic book movie genre by adding levels of intense realism, dark protagonist character conflict, and situations concerning the morality of man. 

Everyone has been sitting on pins and needles over this movie for the past 3 years, and why not? There's a lot that has been hanging in the balance.  Is it possible that this movie will be able to stand up to the greatness of Batman Begins? Or will it be a gross disappointment that tarnishes the series we fell in love with, like Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3, and Spider-Man 3?  Will Heath Ledgers acting stand out since the last great portrayal of the Joker; Jack Nicholson in the 1989 Batman?  

Gather 'round, children, and lets find out.

A while ago I noticed that Facebook ads had started to be tailored to me by my age. For example one ad had the headline "22 year-old gamer?". While I am a 22 year old gamer, I was getting sick of the constant ads for "BBW Girls" and gay sex so I decided to change my birthday from 1986 to 1906. The change yielded the expected results...

Note: This is not a joke, these are actual Facebook ads that came up on my profile.

That's pretty normal, older people should be worried about their retirement money, but then they started getting a little better...

There is no way that guy is over 55. Then I discovered something great...