Such amazing features, you guys. For real.

Amount you love talking about loving America

How well you know the words to the "Star Spangled Banner"

Variety of cheeses you're willing to eat

Percentage of your car covered in stickers of this color

Amount you're a terrorist

Thinking Stephen Colbert is funny

Thinking Stephen Colbert is being serious

Amount that this color is for queers and homos who aint welcome here in the first place.

Showalter and Wain talk about Wain's directing career and explosive sh*ts.

1. Disney World gangs face the worst punishment imaginable: a permanent ban from the park.
2. QVC shopper: "These Dells are great for porno."
3. Check out this useless invention that can teach you to swim on land.
4. Here's something to dance to while you're waiting for the plumber to come and untangle your internet tubes.
5. Writing a hit pop song seems easier than getting a degree. It might be time to drop out.
   

According to a casual study of college students, "seriously everybody" uses Facebook. What's less clear is how they use it. What are your hundreds of friends and dozens of groups really up to? Let's find out together with the first annual Great American Facebook Survey.

1. Insane karate teacher beats up his own student
2. Toddler gets wasted at Applebees -- said he was "ok to drive though"
3. Check out this hilarious video of what happens when girls fart.
4. Midget murder shakes up Harlem
5. Get a load of this amazing basketball shot from a moving Jeep. If only Lebron could hit a long range shot like that the Cavs wouldn't have been swept.
   

Amount your college friends care

Value of virtual Second Life real estate, in Linden Dollars

Aerosmith concerts attended

Your weight (guys)

Your weight (girls)

How cool you were

How cool you think you were

Number of high school friends who'll be at your wedding. You can always count on Mark, dude. Always.

If you want to make 100 bucks being our Cute Cheerleader of the Week just request to join our Cute Cheerleader Group on facebook!

Name: Lauren B.

School: Western Mich University

Mascot: Bronco

Describe your ideal…

Pizza: Meat Lovers

Guy: Fun and outgoing. has to have a sense of humor and enjoys going out and doing things and trying new things.

Describe your worst…

Date: Worst date would have to be if the guy was completely rude.

Pizza: Anything with pineapple, olives, or lil fish!!

If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be? It would have to be the amount of wars we have and how our government handles things. Along with our health care system. The United States is ranked 37 in health care.

How about Free babies? ?

BBQ Sauce or Ketchup? Definately BBQ Sauce

More pics of Lauren after the jump!
Brought to you by

1. John Mayer – Mayer isn't one of those snooty, full of himself celebs like that newcomer loser James Blunt. Actually, if you check out his blog (read this letter he wrote to the Smucker Peanut Butter Company) or go to a show you'll see he's pretty down to Earth and dare I say... funny too? He appeared in a Chappelle's Show sketch a while back and on his VH1 show John Mayer Has a TV Show he went to one of his own concerts before the show, dressed in a bear costume, and heckled his own audience as to why they would see a John Mayer concert. He also checked into the Comedy Cellar the other week for a quick stand-up. After watching those vids you've got to admit it, he's a pretty funny dude.

Scott Gairdner presents upcoming movies based on Disneyland rides.

1. South Park's "anti-gingerism" becomes a reality. (Still no news reports of anthropomorphic feces.)
2. Hungarian rappers promote global peace while declaring war on R & B.
3. Man sues over an everlasting boner, prompts endless "hung jury" zingers from snickering judge.
4. X-rated origami: the sexiest paper innovation since Hustler hit the stands.
5. 1,600 musicians play "Smoke on the Water" during largest Deep Purple jam session ever -- which is also first Deep Purple jam session ever.

If you want to make 100 bucks being our Cute Cheerleader of the Week just request to join our Cute Cheerleader Group on facebook!

Name: Krista Laliberte

School: University of Connecticut

Mascot: Huskies

Describe your idea...

Pizza: Cheese and Mushroom

Guy: Long hair, preferable blonde, taller than me (which is 5’1), athletic, humorous, thoughtful, kind, outgoing, trustworthy, nice smile and eyes.

Describe your worst…

Date: Never had a bad date; haven’t been on many dates.

Pizza: Sausage

If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be? Give universal health care to everyone.

BBQ Sauce or Ketchup? ABSOLUTELY ketchup!

More pics of Krista after the jump!
Brought to you by

1. Paris Hilton in cahoots with Bin Laden? Can't say I didn't call that one.
2. Check out this freak get impaled by a sword and live to tell about it
3. 2000 naked people congregate in Amsterdam!
4. The Super Soaker Flamethrower. Pretty self-explanatory
5. Get a load of the world's tallest Lego tower!

Did you guys know we had  a whole tab devoted to Cute College Girl of the Week?  Yup!  There you'll find all the past Cute College Girls of the Week as well as an application for any lady who wants to be one.  And now...

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Name: Ellie Taylor

Age: 21

Year: Senior

School: CSU, Chico

Hometown: Laie, HI

Major: Philosophy

More Of Ellie in the Cute College Girl Tab

Hugs received from friends and family

Number of t-shirt changes per day

Excuses made

People jokingly asking "where's the pool?"

People seriously wanting to know where you just went swimming

Likelihood that it's To The Oldies

Degree to which you have your own scent and that the scent is known to the wider world. Ex: "Gross dude, this room smells like Jeremy Jeffers."