CH Staff's Articles
36 total in March 2007
I Heart Showalter
Things get tense on any shooting location. The of set CollegeHumor's own Showalter Showalter is no exception. Watch as guest Paul Rudd and host Michael Showalter square off in this battle of the egos.
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- Man, I wish I understood Japanese because this sh*t looks hilarious.
- This is only one, of many, reasons that I will never ride motorcycles for a living. Another reason is because I don't know how to.
- Ari Gold one liners? Don't mind if I do!
- A pilot for a television show with Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Owen Wilson. Why wasn't this made? God damn you TV!
- And how do you like your pop-culture sir? Answer: Translated.
HUGE NEWS
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Ashley I, Megan D, Amber S and Samantha K to the final four! The people have spoken, and these four girls will be going head to head in the most glorious online cat-fight known to man. Check them out here.
OTHER HUGE NEWS
Amir, Ethan and Neel, authors of our new book Faking It, have some fun during a Barnes and Noble reading.
Amir, Ethan and Neel, authors of our new book Faking It, have some fun during a Barnes and Noble reading.
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- Hey, wanna work for us this summer?
- Pretty much all I can say about this video is that it's a dolphin humping a guy.
- You've never seen so much puke! Wait- that won't make you click this... You've never seen so much tits!!!
- I never thought I'd see anything that would make me want to join a frat.
- The Departed in 5 seconds. On your mark, get set, go!
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Don't Forget
Don't Forget
Today mark's the final matchup before the final four. We are coming down to the wire people! Don't go anywhere until you vote, I don't care if the delivery guy is at the door. VOTE.
The Round Up
Hotlinks
Calling All Cheerleaders
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Don't Forget
- Okay, I apologize. This is actually just really, really sad.
- 15 unintentionally hilarious comics. The Joker talking about boners anyone?
- SNL is looking up baby! This sketch with Peyton Manning is actually really funny.
- Johnny Knoxville gets owned by a Yak.
- These bears are hilarious... AND adorable!
Calling All Cheerleaders
If you want a hundred dollars for doing next to nothing send an e-mail to cheerleadch@gmail.com
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Don't Forget
We're halfway to the final four in our America's Hottest College Girl Contest. Today is a huge matchup, don't miss your chance to be part of history!
Snow Me The Money: Round Three
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- That's the last time this adorable little kid tries to throw a cat into a pool.
- Here's a link you probably shouldn't click if you don't like snakes, but do like kangaroos.
- Oh, Hulk Hogan. I keep liking you more and more. Check out this amazing overseas commercial.
- This is NOT how my grandma would play a video game. Thank God.
- This lady can't wear regular shoes... Because her toenails are 5 inches long. Awesome.
Breaking News
Now you can send messages to all your friends on CollegeHumor.com. There's a little envelope next to your bio picture... Check it out!
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Don't Forget
Don't Forget
We're three rounds away from the final four people. Make your vote count.
Cute College Girl of the Week: Jen Tokuda
Age: 19
Year: Sophomore
School: Cornell University
Hometown: Tigard, OR
Major: Apparel Design
Favorite Drink: Diet Coke
If I’m trying to get with you, what should I do? Don’t be pushy. Anything sweet or thoughtful to let me know you like me. I’ll go from there.
What should I avoid doing? Acting cocky. If you’re that amazing, I’ll notice.
What’s your least favorite vegatable? Beets…yuck
What’s your most favorite vegetable? Can tomatoes be vegetables today?
What’s your most embarrassing college moment? Slipping in the snow and falling on my face in the middle of campus. *Just don’t look back…
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done this year? I can’t let you in on my craziness just yet… ;)
More pictures of Jen after the jump!
Snow Me The Money: Round Two
Statements By Temperature
"Little help, dude?"
"I miss winter."
"It's exactly 86 degrees out today."
"It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
"Well, I'm off to class. I'll see you guys later."
"I remember / when we used to sit / in the goverment yard in Trenchtown / Oba-oba-serving the hypocrites / as they would mingle with the good people we met - sing along, guys - Good friends we have! / Good friends we lost / Along the way. / In this great future you can't forget your past / So dry your eyes, I say."
"Yo, anyone wanna catch 'Norbit' tonight?"
The Round Up
Hotlinks
By The Way
- This motorcycle jump is insane. It's like he's flying.
- Hey all you jerks out there. If you don't watch 30 Rock already, you should. If you DO watch 30 Rock, then I'm sorry for wasting your time.
- Wow, I didn't think it could be true. But this honestly is all six Rocky movies in under 10 seconds.
- Warning: Don't click this link unless you want to see a guy taking a crap in the middle of a mall.
- The guy from Reading Rainbow raps to poor kids about fun things that don't cost money. Ridiculous. Newspaper Crumble Race? Bleach Container Birdhouse?
By The Way
Calling all hot cheerleaders! 100 bucks and internet fame await you. Send an e-mail to cheerleadch@gmail.com.
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Don't Forget
Don't Forget
Today we kick off the Elite 8 in America's Hottest College Girl Contest. This one is coming down to the wire people! Get your votes in now! You only have, like 6 more hours... HURRY!
Snow Me The Money: Round One
The Round Up
Hotlinks
By the Way
- Here's a clip of Judah Friedlander messing with his coworkers. God I want to be on TV.
- Wanna see an old lady fall down an escalator? I knew you would, you sick bastard.
- Easter isn't just for kids and your grandparents anymore. Presenting, the Easter Keg Hunt.
- Short and sweet: Bunch of girls running in their underwear. Why are you still reading?
- Mom! Mom! Dad! Come here! An older brother's worst nightmare.
By the Way
We'll trade you 100 bucks for a hot cheerleader. Deal? E-mail us at cheerleadch@gmail.com
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The Round Up
Hotlinks
Awesome Updates
- Who wouldn't want to date this adorable nerdy guy? This video is honestly hilarious.
- This video is sickening. I don't want to ruin it. But it involves arm wrestling. And something dislocating.
- Remaking popular rap songs to be about cheese? Yes please.
- Well done chase scene here. A horse slides under a truck? Nice.
- Don't let your pets try this at home. Unless you want them to be ADORABLE.
Awesome Updates
In Other News
We want to give 100 dollars to hot cheerleaders. If you are one, or know any, e-mail us at cheerleadch@gmail.com
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Don't Forget
Don't Forget
Today is a big matchup in the America's Hottest College Girl contest. Are you busy right now? I didn't think so. Maybe you should vote you lazy piece of sh*t.
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- Why is this guy staying home and eating ten lit cigarettes. He should be out getting LADIES! That pimp.
- Guy goes crazy on a heckler. Kramer ain't got nothing on this acoustic guitarist.
- Here's a clip from my girlfriend's little sister's dance recital this Summer. JK! It's two cheerleaders fighting.
- Really good commercial parody. Be sure to watch until the end.
- This awesome DJ must be from the future!
In Other News
- CollegeHumor has a new book out: Faking It.
- We're looking for nominees who are worthy of being CollegeHumor's Man of the Century. Send your submission to manofthecenturych@gmail.com
- Are you a hot cheerleader? Do you know a hot cheerleader? If so, send an e-mail to Jake at cheerleadch@gmail.com for your chance at 100 bucks and online fame.
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Don't Forget
We're coming closer and closer to naming America's Hottest College Girl. Let your voice be heard! Now is your chance to make one young girl's father hate her.
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- I wonder if there's anyone out there that gets off to this? I know I love girls rolling around in the mud farting, but does anyone else?
- Yo, bro, I could totally kick your ass... As long as I have this ridiculous 8 year old on my side.
- Finally, a funny sketch from SNL. Am I right?!
- Football players are big and strong and make me feel insecure about myself. Which is why I like this video of them looking bad.
- Remember that awesome Jay and Silent Bob rap?
Awesome Updates
Patty G tells us how to fail out of college. As if you didn't already know.
Great toast from Lucas.
Andy spoils a ton of movies!
Great toast from Lucas.
Andy spoils a ton of movies!
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Don't Forget
Don't Forget
Today is a big matchup. This literally might be the only time girls this hot need you for anything. So do what they want, man! VOTE NOW!
Cute College Girl of the Week: Sara Girard
Age: 18
Year: Freshman
School: Central Connecticut State University
Hometown: Wallingford, CT
Major: Undecided
Favorite Drink: Malibu Bay breeze
If I’m trying to get with you, what should I do? You MUST make me laugh, and you could buy my drinks all night.
What should I avoid doing? Shoving your tongue down my throat.
Do you have a boyfriend? Not at the moment
Are you more afraid of spiders or snakes? Terrified of Spiders! I sleep with cotton balls in my ears every night!
Yes or no. Are you being interviewed right now? Well I believe this is an interview, so yes.
What’s your most embarrassing college moment? Falling out of a car, head first into the pavement…not a pretty sight in the morning.
What is the first thing you notice in a guy? Their eyes and smile. You can tell a lot from a person if they can look you straight in the eye.
More pictures of Sara after the jump!
The Graphic Truth
IHOPs Spotted
Waffle Houses Spotted
Average number of teeth found in locals' mouths
Amount you don't want to be in jail
Donkey shows seen
SPRING BREAK!!!!!!
FALL BREAK!!!!!
The Michael Showalter Showalter
Michael Showalter and his guest David Cross talk about nicknames, poison ivy, and crazy scientists.
Click me to Watch!
Click me to Watch!
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- If I tell you anything about this video I will ruin it. Just, please watch it. You will never guess what happens and it's so good. Trust me.
- This is one hell of a fight scene. Still, I could take either of these guys.
- Can of soup to the nuts? This guy tries to bone your sister and all you can do is hit him with soup? More retaliation please.
- Voice over for sign language. The guy is good.
- I wish I were half as good at anything as these 8 year olds are at instruments.
Awesome Updates
This could go horribly, horribly wrong, but: Ask Katie Marino Anything
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Don't Forget
Don't Forget
You really need to vote for today's round of America's Hottest College Girl. How often do you get to decide between two girls in real life, man? (Turns to friend) Dude, the internet is so awesome.
Morning Poll
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- Most porn stars have managers. This girl's managers just happen to be named mom and dad.
- Bukakke Milk: Not sure if this comes in non fat.
- I still think I would kick this guys ass at mario kart.
- We're sorry to interrupt, we are getting breaking news...
- If God didn't want us to snort wasabi, he wouldn't have made it into a powder.
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Don't Forget
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- A ticklish Koala bear. You can see the eucalyptus coming out of his nose.
- Calling somebody a butt-head is fine. Doing this is not.
- Today's forecast calls for very awkward and uncomfortable skies.
- How realistic is Half Life 2? Check out this in game Rube Goldberg contraption.
- Norton Furniture commercials are back, and as creepy as ever.
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Don't Forget
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- Watch this dude punch a poor defenseless seagull. What a badass!
- Dangerous driving. You know cops love donuts!
- Who's Line is it Anyway? is the best question based TV Show title since "Dallas?"
- This man is breeding large rabbits. Why? To eat all of his large carrots of course!
- Laugh all you want, this man has the cleanest corneas in his entire neighborhood.
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Don't ForgetVoting for hot girls is good for democracy. Take a minute to vote if you haven't already. If not for you, then for America.
Cute College Girl of the Week: Kimberly Creel
FYI You guys, the Cute College Girl of the week now gets 100 bucks in addition to the sweet t-shirt from BustedTees. So e-mail Intern Jake at cutecollegegirl@gmail.com if you're hot, or know someone who is. If you nominate a girl who gets chosen, you also get a free t-shirt. So come on, what are you waiting for?!
Age: 18
Year: Freshman
School: Villanova University
Hometown: Old Bridge, NJ
Major: Biochemistry
Favorite Drink: Whiskey and Ginger Ale or Vodka and Cranberry Juice
If I’m trying to get with you, what should I do? You should probably just be attractive, well dressed, and be able to have a semi-decent conversation without being awkward. I hate when guys are trying to get with you and they’re awkward about it… Oh. Also, just be straight forward. You know what you want, and I know that you know what you want… so don’t be lame and act like you want something else.
What should I avoid doing? “I like every bone in your body, especially mine” won’t work.
What’s your favorite kind of BLT sandwich? I like BLTs with extra bacon, a slice of American, and a slice of romaine on seven grain with a little bit of honey-Dijon mustard… brownie points if I don’t have to make it myself.
What’s your most embarrassing college moment? It was actually at Rutgers. My friend Janine invited me to be this kid’s partner in a case race but it was late (sort of) and I had already started drinking Aftershock & Goldschlager. So about ¾ of the way through the race I blacked out and somehow lost my pants. Then I ended up in the bathroom (without my pants) fist fighting with the auto-toilet screaming at it, “If you don’t stop flushing I’m going to puke in you and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it!” with the entire floor watching. Good times.
Who would win in an arm wrestling contest, me or Streeter Seidell? Whoever lifts more often…?
Sooo, me? ...
More pictures of Kimberly after the jump!
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- A navy seal vs. a monkey on an obstacle course. Winner gets control of a 100 man platoon.
- SCALKOA: Scantily-clad attractive ladies kissing one another.
- Mr. Sulu finally gets revenge on Captain Kirk.
- Stage dives are crazy because there is no way to practice them. This one is just ridiculous though.
- In the world of clown car racing, everybody is a loser. But especially this guy.
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Don't Forget
Where the F*ck is Carmen Sandiego?
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- We hooked a camera up to a retarded persons brain, and this was the captured footage.
- Congratulations, supermodel! You're going to Antarctica!
- Ridiculously amazing French Beatboxing: No subtitles necessary.
- I bet you've never thought of a Dildo factory, but deep down inside you know they have to exist...
- The classic Monty Python Spanish Inquisition sketch. It wouldn't hurt you to be a little more cultured!
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Don't Forget
It's time to vote on more hot girls! Just like the real elections, only without the annoying risk of jury duty later on... Todays matchups:
Poetry Double-Header
Today's Poetry Corner features not one, but two poems from our readers -- a haiku for our Japanese friends, and a sonnet for our 400-year-old English friends. Enjoy!
THE ART OF HAIKU
by Dan Verdel
A haiku story
It is hard to make things fit
Sometimes, you have to cheat
SONNET 18
by Clint
Shall I compare thee to a
summer's day?
Better to that than to the Summer's Eve,
a popular feminine deodorant spray
that hardly puts me in the mood for love.
-William Shakespeare
If you think you can write a funnier poem than this one, post it as an update and send the link to CHPoetryCorner@gmail.com.
Check out past poems here.
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- Oh man, this is good. Golden for N64 reenacted in real life. Honestly, whoever made this- great attention to detail.
- And speaking of things being reenacted. Here's a bunch of monkeys doing scenes from the matrix. Only in Japan.
- This kid is such a baby. Forget practical jokes, when I was his age my dad used to beat me.
- Wow. I have nothing to say. Other than this essay was AMAZING.
- Yo man, hold me back! Hold me back, dude! This parrot is talking sh*t!
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Don't Forget
It's time to cast your vote for America's Hottest College Girl. We've got some great matchups today, so go make your parents proud. "I told you I'd do something with my life, Dad!"
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- This is an excellent prank to play on your friends. As long as you hang out with retarded people.
- I don't need to build this one up: Deleted scene from Borat.
- This idiot on public access gets completely torn apart by prank phone calls. So good.
- What are you whining about? Come on! Walk it off.
- Pretty nice shot there, kid. We'd keep you on the team but that was this was the only shot you made all year.
Awesome Updates
Sweet! A hairstyle guide from Uncle Jessie.
At last, a foolproof guide to facebook friend requests.
At last, a foolproof guide to facebook friend requests.
Check Out This Hilariously Delicious Easy Mac Recipe
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So adorable you will weep butterscotch.
Dont Forget
So adorable you will weep butterscotch.
Dont Forget
Today is the beginning of the second round of America's Hottest College Girl. Let's start this one off on the right foot, vote now!
The Round Up
Hotlinks
Mary writes about Dick.
Tommy tells you how to fill out your bracket.
- So this is a dog masturbating. You'd think it'd be less funny than a dog humping. But it is not.
- Flaming bowling balls, or squirrels being shot out of a catapault? Why can't it be both?
- Click here to see the magic trick that made George Costanza cry.
- Why can't I ever get pranked like this? Probably because I definitely wouldn't give the girl her skirt back.
- This guy gets hit hard. It kind of reminds me of how they say when you get your head chopped off you can still run for a full block or something...
Awesome Updates
Mary writes about Dick.
Tommy tells you how to fill out your bracket.
Pic of the Day
The cat just got washed away, like a human getting hit by a firehose.
The cat just got washed away, like a human getting hit by a firehose.
Cute College Girl of the Week: Becky Epstein
Age: 20
Year: Junior. Credit wise, probably a sophomore.
School: UMass Amherst
Hometown: Hamden, CT
Major: Sociology
Favorite Drink: Anything with an alcohol content.
If I’m trying to get with you, what should I do? Just cut to the chase. Buy me a drink and we’ll be makin-out in no time. You’re also going to have to be strong enough to carry me home later that night.
What should I avoid doing? Talking to me if your IQ is below the 100 average. I have little patience for those who cannot grasp my sarcasm. It’s also not an attractive thing when a guy can’t carry on an actual conversation. Oh, and if you call, once is enough. Believe me, if I actually want to hear from you, I’ll call back. I don’t need 6 calls and 10 texts in one hour to remind me that you exist. That’s the girl’s job.
Do you have a boyfriend? Recently single due to irreconcilable differences.
Describe the weirdest dream you ever had: That one day I woke up in the middle of my junior year of college and I suddenly realized that I had accomplished literally nothing with my life. I had no memories, only alcohol-indused blackouts and vague recollections thanks to photographs. My classes weren’t mandatory because I had a #7 party school ranking to maintain and that became a priority. Basically, I was wasting $100,000 of my loving father’s money and the only thing I had to show for it was a lack of brain cells. I soon made this dream into a reality.
What’s your most embarrassing college moment? Ha. My MOST embarrassing college moment? My life in general is an embarrassment so it would be unfair to choose one moment over another
What’s one fashion statement a guy should never make? The blowout. Barf. So hideous.
How come you never see retarded black people? Wait, is that a serious question?
More pictures of Becky after the jump!
Afflictions By Age
Death
Cooties
Syphilis
Ugliness
Pooping your pants
Hate for the world
Unexpected boners
The Round Up
Hotlinks
Pic of the Day
Sign vandalism or amazing luck?
Don't Forget
- What's not to like about an enormous catapault shooting flaming bowling balls? My favorite part is when they replay it in slow motion and you hear the kid saying, "Hooolly Craapp!"
- I hate hockey. But this save is absolutely amazing.
- This clip begins with me telling you there is a midget bullfighter, and it ends with something too great for words...
- Probably the coolest thing you can do involving a hard boiled egg.
- What won't Japan do? Honestly, this is just f*cking weird.
Pic of the Day
Sign vandalism or amazing luck?
Don't Forget
Today mark's the end of the first round of our search for America's Hottest College Girl. You've done your best up until this point, so finish it out strong. Vote now!
The Round Up
Hotlinks
- Japanese Candid Camera is kind of mean. It's also incredibly funny. Imagine how scary this would be if it were happening to you.
- This is one of the best local commercials I've seen in a long time. I wish this guy were my dad.
- Stephen Lynch is an incredibly funny comic/musician. Listen to his lullaby explaining to he's divorced.
- Aa fabulous new fragrance for all you blow-out wearing dudes. "Douche"
- This film noir comedy by CH writer Dan Gurewitch is reason number 12,008 that I love him so much.
New Contest
We've got $2,000 to waste. And this is how we're going to waste it. We love sitcoms, and we love making fun of them. So for this contest, we want you to have fun with your favorite sitcom moments with these little Burger King Stacker figurines. Strange? Yes, but you're weird, so what's the problem. All parody videos are due in on March 23rd so get going. All the info you need is on the Contest Page.
Awesome Updates
Is Britney Spears still f*ckable? By... someone you wouldn't think.
A night out on the town with our favorite friends, alcohol.
A night out on the town with our favorite friends, alcohol.
Breaking News
Bunch of fags want to pass Gay Law.
Pic of the Day
You can't dive in the toilet, but you can pee in the pool.
Don't Forget
You can't dive in the toilet, but you can pee in the pool.
Don't Forget
Now is the time to make your pic for America's Hottest College Girl. Don't hesitate, man. You only have, like, 5 more hours. Holy shit you're running out of time!
The Round Up
New Thingy
Remember the Featured tab? Me neither. We got rid of that POS and built the all new Articles tab. Click on it and prove to everyone that you can read!
Remember the Featured tab? Me neither. We got rid of that POS and built the all new Articles tab. Click on it and prove to everyone that you can read!
Hotlinks
- Remember how I said I wanted to move to Japan yesterday? Nevermind.
- When I played badminton in gym class my sophomore year I don't remember it being this exciting. On the other hand, this video doesn't have Christine Rimar wearing track shorts in it.
- An old woman crashes her car into the DMV as she goes to re-take her license test. There is no punchline.
- I wish this guy was around to DJ my little brother's bar mitzvah!
- Just for old time's sake, the best of Will Ferrell.
Awesome Updates
Josh talks to his splotchy beard.
More Than Meets The (Brown) Eye, by Aaron.
Somebody breaks up with beer.
More Than Meets The (Brown) Eye, by Aaron.
Somebody breaks up with beer.
Pic of the Day
The people at the bar don't seem interested - this must happen a lot.
Don't Forget
The people at the bar don't seem interested - this must happen a lot.
Don't Forget
You better cast your vote right now for America's Hottest College Girl. You may never have a chance to make a difference like this again.
