Hey...hey guys, who do you know here? Scott? Nah, no Scott's here. John? Cool, cool, what do you guys have class together or something? Yeah, awesome.

Well, guys, make up your mind, either come in or leave, we can't have people hanging out on the front porch all night. Neighbors get pissed, ya know.

Anyway, dude, let me show you around the place. We got beers in that bucket over there and there's a keg in the back being manned by this dude Meatfist. Just say you're my boy and he'll fill you up first. Oh, speaking of that, if you guys wanna drop, like, five bucks for beer that'd be awesome. If not, whatev.

Oh dudes, you gotta meet this kid. He's, like, our mascot. I think he goes to the high school in town or something. Either way, he comes here and gets fucking wasted. Bro, last week he took a deuce on the rug at, like, 9 o'clock. The party had barely started! Later that night, he tried to crush a keg on his forehead. Dude, do you know the hospital is, like, a twenty minute drive from here? Yeah, for real.

Anyway, I better get back to entertaining every -- hey, dudes, check out those girls. Ever seen anything so beautiful in your life? Whatd'you mean the grand canyon? You're buddy's a fucking joker all of the sudden? Jesus look at that ass, what the fuck am I doing here talking to you losers? I'll see you dudes on Monday. Peace.

Fact - Hotlinks once held an opponent's wife's hand in a jar of acid...at a party.

1. Wondershozen's "Peer Pressure

2. The longer you do drugs, the worse your hair gets

3. Some great public access music videos

4. Check out the "How We Met" section

5. George Washington knew how to party

Fact - The title of this post is the most racist thing on this website next to this.

1. Lady, I think you have a fear of public speaking

2. Technical Bra Difficulties (I can't figure out if it's fake)

3. Detailed explanations of Marmaduke

4. Finally, your chance to name a school mascot!

5. An undeniably shitty company name

Fact - The Joni Mitchell song "Big Yellow Taxi," was based on the urban renewal policies Hotlinks put into effect in the late 1960's.

1. An extremely racist, yet very funny, song

2. King Drunk manages to get hit by his own car

3. Google uncovers a disturbing trend

4. Insane Ping Pong skills

5. If you're really desperate to convince someone you have a girlfriend...

Big news everybody, Screech has a sex tape coming out. It's called "Saved By The Smell" and it's currently being shopped around to Larry Flynt and Vivid Video. Luckily for you guys, we got an advanced copy, and these are the highlites: