sean's Articles

2 total in March 2008
  • Ten Signs your Teacher Smokes Pot

     

    • They let the students choose the type of music to listen to throughout class....and their CD case is filled with reggae and classic rock.
    • You have to keep your name tag on your desk, five weeks into the semester because the professor claims to be "bad with names".
    • Long Hair....'nuff said
    • They say cliché things with a smile on their face like "I've been to college too" to try and hint towards their rebellious pasts.
    • It's an art teacher.
    • They are late to class and take extremely long to grade/return assignments.
    • When you wear a tie-dyed shirt to class, the nod their head and wink at you while saying "I get it."
    • He or she is constantly snacking on food.
    • They give long, rambling, go nowhere speeches that fail to make any kind of point.
    • When they see you do it.....you don't get in any trouble.

    If any of your professors meet one or more of these criteria.....there's a good chance they've toked on some bud at some point in their life. 



  • My Hero Macgyver

    Jack Bauer may have drinking games and Chuck Norris may have facts, but before both of them were even blips on anyone's radar there was another who was considered a god among men. With a Swiss army knife and little scientific know-how, this individual found his way out of many a sticky situation. The legend that I speak of is the one simply known as MacGyver.



    MacGyver was much more than your average do-gooder. Never showing fear when facing almost certain peril, he delivered morals and feel good episodic television every week in the mid 80's to early 90's. I've compiled a short list of why Macgyver is so damn great....and all others are mere descendants of his greatness.

    He works for the Phoenix Foundation - No, not just a Texas Ranger. MacGyver is an employee of the government organization that doesn't require him to follow any specific protocols or laws. It's just MacGyver and what he has to do to get the job done. We never really meet many other agents from the Phoenix Foundation or find out just what Mac's job title is.....but we do see him infiltrating countries and taking out entire governments.

    He doesn't use guns - Let me rephrase that. He doesn't shoot guns. He has used guns as a source of distraction or a blunt object to beat up some henchman with. The funny thing is that he's against firing guns but has no problem shooting a mortar he made out of a muffler, some gasoline, and some cushion from a car seat.


    He can make anything out of anything - Seriously. Don't believe me? Some examples of this include a telescope out of a newspaper and magnifying glass, a catapult made out of a few trees, and a torch made out of a bike and some rust. Watch the show.....he's a scientific genius. I've seen him trick a high-tech helicopter into thinking a reflection of sunlight is a laser ignition key. Sound complicated? Not to MacGyver.

    His name is Angus - That's no joke. Don't bring it up to him.


    His boss is a real man - In real life, Dana Elcar the actor who portrays Pete Thornton (MacGyver's long-time friend and boss) was diagnosed with glaucoma and he began to go blind. Rather than let that beat him and retire, they decided to write it into his character and make it a part of the show. Also, he got to play King Arthur (more on that later).

    He doesn't need to torture - MacGyver is better than that. He uses his wit and quick thinking to get him out of any situation any information from any enemy. His ability to sarcastically throw verbal jabs at his rivals is unmatched. Many have had their self esteem lowered with just a few comments from the one with the mullet.


    He traveled through time - This last one could be an entire article on MacGyver's greatness all by itself. By the seventh season, it seemed that the writers got tired of ideas and following logic and just wanted to have fun....or maybe raise ratings. Anyway, what resulted from this is MacGyver traveling back in time after being hit on the head by a falling plant. He ends up crossing paths with Merlin in what is supposed to be medieval times (yet we never actually see a castle).

    Apparently wizards had to have stars and moons on their outfit.

    What makes this so great is that the writers treat Merlin as nothing more than a glorified magician playing tricks on the idiotic knights and king, using optical illusions to make it seem like he has magical powers. After Mac embarrasses him, clears his name of attempted murder, and saves his life multiple times, the two embark on a journey to an evil witch's castle. Along the way MacGyver finds out the witch has invented gunpowder and he must put a stop to it. In the end of this two part episode (yes.....it was important enough to get two full episodes) MacGyver ends up NOT saving the day, but getting shot directly in the head with history's first bullet. That's how his time travel fantasy ends. With a headshot that kills him. He wakes up and it seems as if it was all a dream......until he reaches into his pocket and pulls out something the King gave him. So somehow he traveled back in time by getting hit in the head. That's badass.


    I could go on and on about the degrees of excellence that MacGyver has. He is a patriot and a hero. Someone who should not be forgotten about soon.



  • sean SUNY Cortland

    About Me

    macgyver + jimi hendrix = sean


    "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." - George Carlin

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