1. A sombrero filled with dry ice

2. A fedora fitted with a small ventilation system around the brim, attached through tubing to a backstage fog machine preset to go off during the chorus of "Slow Ride"

3. A traditional Cherokee rain-dance headdress

4. A foam dome stocked with a pair of ice-cold Coors Lights that produce vapor as they rapidly thaw from the body heat of Peverett's dancing

5. An official crew baseball cap from the set of John Carpenter's 1980 horror film "The Fog"

6. A Yarmulke cut from a bed of tropical moss, raising the relative humidity around Peverett to 100 percent

7. A top hat-shaped cloud of fog continuously encircled around Peverett's head in a matrix of low-frequency sonic pulses emanating from Tony Stevens's powerful bass guitar

8. A standard men's bowler cap (They're huge in London.)

"According to Jim" notwithstanding, TV has never been better. Serial dramas like "Lost" and astute sitcoms like "The Office" are a big step up from the shenanigans of "My Mother the Car." College schedules, however, are rarely made with Fox's lineup in mind, and undergrads often find themselves at the library when they should be tuning in to the Jack Bauer Power Hour. Fortunately, quality programming doesn't stop after Conan, and even the latest-cramming student can still catch these 5 after-midnight gems....


THE GOLDEN GIRLS (Lifetime)

Thank YOU for being a friend, Lifetime network! With the pool of "Simpsons" reruns growing more and more diluted with duds from the last 4 seasons, and Michael Richards's less-than-thoughtful comments on racial politics in the United States making "Seinfeld" awkward to watch, the four geriatric nymphomaniacs who shag their way through "The Golden Girls" like a quartet of post-menopausal Carrie Bradshaws provide the last vestiges of quality after-hours comedy for the unfortunate masses whose cable packages exclude TV Land.

Hamlet

ACT I

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ACT II

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ACT III

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ACT IV

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ACT V

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Richard III

ACT I

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:-)

ACT II

>;-(--<
:-)
:-)
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ACT III

>;-(--<
:-)
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ACT IV

>;-)--<
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ACT V

>|-(       --<
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I need you to listen to me very closely. There's isn't much time. My name isn't important, but I'm a federal agent, and I was invited here by Kevin's roommate. You can check with him for clearance later—he's in the kitchen—but for now you're just going to have to trust me.

One hour ago an unidentified student managed to elude your doorman and made his way inside this party. A witness claims she saw a guest giving him a high five: I believed he had an inside man. I followed the suspected traitor into the bathroom, handcuffed him to the sink, and shoved a bath towel down his throat before he confessed that the unidentified student was a friend who was previously deported from the party for vomiting into Kevin's aquarium, and that he had conspired to smuggle him back in by telling the doorman the student was "with him," and that he was "solid."

I have reason to believe this student is capable of an even greater act of destruction than the aquarium defecation. As long as he's free nobody at this party is safe. And you need to know that I will do anything to protect this dorm, and that includes sacrificing everyone here, as well as myself. Do you understand? I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

Kate Winslet picked me up Thursday evening in a neon-green 2003 Honda Accord. Her car had a massive spoiler, and decals that read "NAUGHGY GIRL" and "VOLUNTEER FIREFIGHTERS = HOT" on the rear windshield.  Chumbawumba's "Tubthumper" was blasting from the radio, and I could see the 5-time Oscar nominee inside singing along with the "He drinks a whiskey drink/He drinks a vodka drink" part—though she couldn't keep up with the guy in the song, and sort of mumbled along until the "I get knocked down..." chorus arrived.

I got in and told Kate Winslet how big a fan I was. The Titanic star cut me off, shouting, "Whasuuuuuuuup?" like in those late-'90s Budweiser commercials—except hers went on a really, really long time. I mean a good 15 seconds, easy, during which I smiled awkwardly and touched stuff on the dashboard until she finished.

I asked Kate Winslet what she felt like doing. She said she "absolutely had" to see Epic Movie.  I'm not sure if she meant this rhetorically, or if she was literally required to see the film as part of some Screen Actors' Guild bylaw, but we drove to the theater downtown regardless. During the show, Kate Winslet would periodically grow bored and shout lines from some of her movies—although not necessary her lines. In fact, she eventually began shouting random quotes from pictures she had nothing to do with—specifically the phrase, "Snoochie boochies!" She also did the Budweiser thing a few more times.