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Roommate Confessions

Issue 41

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our new submission page!

My sophomore year roommate was an alright guy, we chose to live together and everything. But he didn't really have a lot of friends other than me, so he would constantly follow me to lacrosse team parties and barbeques and just stand there not talking to anyone. Also, He constantly smelled like pipe tobacco because he would smoke in the room (and inhale!). I convinced him finally to rush a fraternity, which even though it had been something I had always been an avid opponent of, it seemed like a good fit for him. It worked out great for most of the semester because he was never in the room, and I could actually watch something besides Battlestar Galactica. On the night of his formal initiation or whatever, I came home at 3am with my current squeeze to find him with his suit pants around his ankles, swaying like a palm tree in a tropical storm, pissing all over my bed. I screamed his name but he was too obliterated to even process my voice. I suggested to my hussy that we should go to her place, and she of course obliged. The next day I went to the local head shop and bought 4x salvia. When my roommate was still asleep I mixed in the salvia with his pipe tobacco. He had never smoked salvia before. When he woke up finally morning I watched him smoke his pipe, and get the most horrified look on his face. I never told him he smoked salvia, and he dropped out of school because he thought he was insane.

Jeter Swallows, UConn

A friend of mine came to visit me with his then girlfriend in Europe for the summer, actually he was a good friend of mine that's why I felt really bad about porking his girlfriend while he was passed out on my bathroom floor after a night of heavy drinking in Berlin. The next day was like nothing happened and the girlfriend seemed to not care at all, I think I could have porked her again, anyway to ease my conscience I told her I wanted to take my friend to the campus-center really quick to check out some summer German courses. I took him to the red light district of Berlin instead and payed for the lady of his choice. So... after by my logic we're even, I didn't tell him about me and his girlfriend though but my conscience was clear.
Johnny Grunge, Berlin

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